A tribute to a couple of my favorite hockey dudes.

      The Dallas Stars world was rocked this past Friday and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

I love to write but just never have time anymore... being a working mom of an infant and "strong willed" toddler with a husband who is working 24/7... actually.. not only can I not write but I’m barely hanging on for dear life. But I digress. For this, the toddler finally gets the iPad he’s been asking for all weekend, the baby happens to be taking a perfectly timed nap, and I’m pouring a third cup of coffee. I’m even busting out the ol cancer blog to serve as a forum. (Blogging about hockey is much preferred, btw.) 

     For reference, I was the team rink side reporter for 2 and a half seasons, and produced and hosted a weekly "pump up" show on the team in which I took pride in trying to show off the players funny and endearing personalities. I worked on that show for the better part of 8 seasons with one season off in between. That show was my baby before I had a real baby. For that one season away from the show, in 2010, I was working for the Stars in community relations.  I worked day to day with the players in an effort to help grow their presence in the DFW community. My husband whom I met along the way has been on the coaching staff for the team for 9 seasons too, but in this case, that’s neither here nor there besides that it’s given me a better view of these players personalities and who they really are. 

       I’m in talk radio now, and this week we got a feast of juicy news to discuss when it comes to my beloved little hockey team. This week came the news of the Stars CEO, Jim Lites, making waves through the hockey world. In a nutshell, he called for a couple members of the Dallas media to come provide some willing ears, manufacturing his own mini audience who he knew would have a pen, paper, and twitter account ready to blast off at any given moment.  Lites proceeded to rip into Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin, calling them "F*cking horsesh*t", proceeding to go on and on.... and on... using derogatory statements and curse words to lash out at his two top Star players and their recent performances at work. We’ve all read the articles by now and know the gritty details.  It sounded like a frustrated team exec who was venting and accidentally forgot to say "off the record." Perhaps he should have just  "saved to draft." But he very much meant for his words to go viral. And boy, did he get his wish. 

       No doubt the Stars CEO has a great track record in this industry and quite obviously knows a lot more about this business than little ol me. He must be so frustrated, just as the fans and staff are, that this team has not lived up to it’s potential year after year. The ownership group has a lot of money invested. Money I can’t even dream about. I don’t know what that investment would feel like and the kind of emotions it would elicit. I’m too scared to put $20 down on a blackjack table or play in a real fantasy football league with money on the line. For the Stars organization, a lot of money, and unfortunately, jobs, are most definitely on the line. I’m just sad that this is what it has come to. 

     Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin no doubt heard their tough critiques as soon as we all did on Friday afternoon. On Saturday when asked, they responded. And in my humble opinion, they nailed it. They said all the right things. They said they’re going to rally from this and I have no doubt that they will. But they clearly looked hurt from their CEO’s words. How could they not be? I’ve been talked down to and belittled by a boss before to the point where I had anxiety as a result and couldn’t sleep at night. It sucks. And I’m not working there anymore. I wanted to be valued. These guys are much more invested than I was and I sure do hope they’re not going anywhere for a long time. Yes, they need to step up their game and find a way to pull their team out of the mid range mud pit in the Western Conference that we’ve all come to know too well. But regardless of the harsh realities of the situation, I felt the need to share what I know about these two Stars superstars. If nothing else, hopefully this can combat some of the negativity that’s out there surrounding their names in the hockey world right now and also pull back the curtain a bit for those who don’t get the chance to see what we see.  

      First of all-- and this is what gets lost in professional sports and unfortunately, passionate fandom all too often, is that professional athletes are people first. They read all the tweets and critiques, and they have to deal with a lot of outside distractions and social media bullying that is hard for us regular folk to comprehend. Jamie and Tyler are real humans with real emotions. They’re not thoroughbreds that need a good whipping to get in shape. They’re more than a living, breathing, skating salary cap hit. Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin may be millionaire NHL players, but they are some of the nicest, most kind hearted and most stand up guys that I know. 

     Tyler Seguin is so good at his craft, so famous, and so socially relevant that he could easily be a total jerk if he wanted to. But he’s not. He stops to takes pictures and sign autographs whenever he can. He’ll wear a silly Christmas hat and sings carols at a children’s hospital or even in the locker room if you ask him to. (Jamie will wear a sillier hat and lead the vocals.) Tyler donates a chunk of his salary to the community and the Boys and Girls Club of DFW. He designed and built their kids an outdoor hockey rink and playground. He makes it a point to personally connect with and develop relationships with the kids within the BBBS organization. He quietly seeked out his minor hockey team in Whitby, Ontario this season and treated them to an NHL game to come see the Stars play the Maple Leafs in Toronto. He hosts his younger sisters in Dallas often and listens to girl talk. He spoils and laughs with his mom. He’s a charismatic family guy with a good heart who just happens to be really freaking good at hockey. He just committed 8 years to this organization, taking a deal that may not make him as rich as he could have been had he entered free agency, but he wanted to be here in Dallas. He calls Dallas home. And his superstar status with a down to earth demeanor is a giant part of the reason why this team is (I think?) is back on the map in DFW. 

      Jamie Benn plays with grit, toughness, and passion while at the same time giving off the vibe of a kid on a rink in Canada somewhere laughing and horsing around, (no pun intended) just playing the game he loves. It may be tough for him, as it is for any NHL player I’d imagine, to manufacture that same level of tenacity and fight 82 games a year, but at the core, Jamie Benn is undoubtedly a passionate person and player. He stands up for his teammates. He could give a rats ass about individual accolades. (And by the way, he has a laundry list of them.) He has a calm, funny, likable demeanor that allows him to lead his team in his own unique way. The guys respond. He may not say much day in and day out to the media, but put a mic on him (I’ve done it many times) and he’s talking the whole practice, keeping the team energized, making jokes, and leading by example. Day after day after tiring day, he keeps it light and makes it fun for his teammates to come to work. All that said- boy does he ever have an edge. Piss him off and he’ll fight. He doesn’t care if he may get hurt. To him, it’s worth it to stand up for a teammate or motivate his team.

But aside from all of that, Jamie Benn is a 29 year old with feelings. He’s somebody who is thousands of miles away from home trying to bring a cup to his team and city. He’s somebody who treasures his friends and family. He’s somebody that hates that he’s only been able to spend a few days with his new baby niece. He’s somebody who saw his best friend, roommate, and brother unexpectedly traded away from Dallas out of nowhere a couple seasons ago. Yeah, it’s a business but it still stings. He’s somebody who just made the most public, kind, genuine gesture to give my mother in law, who he knew was struggling with an incurable cancer diagnosis, a day in the sun and spotlight in his hometown of Vancouver. He’s babysat my kid, just because he likes kids and had some time to kill. He donates his time and money to fight MS, because it’s a cause near and dear to his heart. Jamie Benn is somebody who has captured a city and fan base with his genuine personality, and somebody who was clearly hurt by the unfiltered words about him plastered around the league this week. 

No doubt Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin grew up watching Hockey Night in Canada and dreamt of making it to the big show. Now they’re here, and they get to see their names and head shots next to "F*cking Horsesh*t" on that same show they watched as kids, as well as many other TV and computer screens across the continent. Their moms, dads, little sisters, grandmas and grandpas get to see those words too. The many kids who look up to them get to see obscenities next to their idols names. The families in which the Stars are asking to spend hundreds of dollars on tickets and, yes, Benn and Seguin jerseys, have to see those nasty words about their favorite players too. And while the words could have been perfectly warranted, that all just hurts my heart a little bit. 

     Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin have been tested, and they’ll come out firing. They’re going to play for each other and their team and their dignity more than ever. Hopefully they’ll lead this team to the postseason and beyond. Maybe they’ll even end up hoisting a cup one day in the near future. But make no mistake, it will be for their families, their fans, their coaches, their teammates, and for each other. If this all ends well, hopefully this bump in the road will just be a page turning chapter in Sean Shapiro’s next book about the second Dallas Stars Championship team. Hopefully it’s all forgotten. But this approach just doesn’t feel right. 

 And look at that-- the baby’s crying. I did it!

my two year old miracle.

Disclaimer: I went to post on this blog today (2/9/2017) and uncovered a few posts that I written but never shared. Probably party because I never finished.... (#momlife) and partly because I was nervous to put myself back out there. The fact that I got on here and had 4 posts that were written but never posted shows me how much I want to bring it back. So.. hey! I'm back! Here's my post from last summer after Ryder turned two.  More to come :) 




MY TWO (AND A HALF) YEAR OLD MIRACLE.

I have missed writing, missed this blog, missed the relationships this blog helped to maintain, and for all those reasons,  I've decided to bring it back to life! Here I will hope to talk about life after cancer and all it entails. Since I've last been here.... a lot has happened.

In April, I hit three years cancer free. My hair has grown out, my life has returned to "normal....."(ish),  I'm checking in with my oncologist every 6 months and of course keeping a close eye on things. I'm feeling good and so thankful for each and every day. 

Now for the plot twist. 

Two years ago, 14 months after my double mastectomy and being deemed "cancer free", I was blessed with a little miracle baby named Ryder Scott. It's so crazy how quickly I went from worrying every day about fighting for my life to giving everything I have into raising a new life. I thought I'd revisit this post from 2 and a half years ago to lend a little perspective to anybody who may be struggling with some of the same issues I faced. 

January 2015

" The discovery of this BRCA1 gene means that I'll have to have my ovaries removed eventually. The  gene is connected directly to having a high risk of both breast cancer and ovarian cancer. As my doctor put it... my ovaries are now a "ticking time bomb" and there is a very high chance that I could get ovarian cancer as well. YAY! She said that I could probably wait about three years before having the hysterectomy so that gives me about a three year window to have kids, if I can in fact have kids. That's probably not going to be easy since the chemo destroys basically everything inside of you.... including your ovaries. I'm trying to be optimistic about it. I'm getting a shot of a drug called "Lupron" every three weeks that is supposed to help protect my ovaries so I can hopefully still have children.  (It also has some lovely side effects such as hot flashes! Little future baby.. I love you so much I've brought on early menopause for you!) Those hot flashes are not joke. Ugh. So I've tried to find stats about conceiving after chemo and there's just not much out there... since most people who get this disease are at least 40 and have most likely had children already. I am researching all my options and will probably contact a fertility clinic to find out more about my specific situation and what I can do. It's funny- before cancer I was not on a fast track, or really any track to have children. I actually was planning to wait as long as I could so that I could focus on my marriage and career... and maybe I'd just get another cat to tide me over :)  But now... after finding out that I may not be able to have kids of my own, I think about it all the time and it's something I want more than anything in the world." 

Wow it's so crazy for me to read that now.  Nine months after typing that post I was cancer free, married and pregnant. God has a crazy way of pulling things together and writing a script for your life that you could not even fathom to write yourself.  I'm just so thankful for my precious surprise miracle. Now that he's here, I can't remember what life was like before him. Ryder is the light of my life, my biggest joy, and my best little friend. The kid is really something else. He's already perfected his slap shot and he's been able to make his dad dance more in these two years then I think he's ever danced in his whole life. Seriously, all this boy wants to do is dance and laugh, and he makes us all better for it. Thanks to him, I haven't thought about cancer and all the struggles I went through in two years outside of my checkups. Adjusting our life and becoming a mom hasn't been easy, in fact,  I think I can say that being a mom has been tougher for me then fighting Cancer ever was. I've cried and felt lost and frustrated and clueless. But boy is it rewarding. I love this little guy more then he will ever know, and I'm so thankful I had the chance to become a mom. 

Ryder Scott, you're a dream come true and I love you more than you'll ever know! 

Thank you Angelina

Just wanted to share this article that Angelina Jolie wrote today that really feels like she's speaking to me! Not only do we have the same birthday and both have hot husbands, but we both have "the gene." She has the BRCA1 gene while I have the BRCA2 gene but both mean that we have high risk for breast cancer (check) and ovarian cancer. I have taken care of the breast cancer thing for good HOPEFULLY, (I'm being checked every 3 months now) but ovarian cancer still scares the bejeezus out of me. From this article I learned that there is a blood test to check for a presence of early signs of ovarian cancer… I'm not sure why I haven't heard of this, maybe because I'm not Angelina Jolie? But I'm definitely going to ask my doctor about it! Angelina recently found out she had signs pointing towards early ovarian cancer and was still able to have her ovaries removed to take care of it. My doctor has suggested a full hysterectomy (which basically equals forced menopause) for me by age 35 at the latest… so I have that to look forward to. If I was done having kids I'd have that surgery immediately. So-- I guess my surprise baby on the way coming earlier than expected was a good thing in more ways than one!!! I'm so happy my body was able to create a life naturally so soon after receiving chemo and I'll have to start thinking about all of my options to deal with the threat of ovarian cancer more seriously very soon. Anyways, just wanted to share this article by Angelina in case it can help anybody else in the same situation!! I'm going to start writing more and will check in again soon :) XO

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/24/opinion/angelina-jolie-pitt-diary-of-a-surgery.html?smid=tw-nytopinion&_r=0

Video update :)

Hi friends!

I've been working on this video for a while, and think it's ready to go. Just wanted to update everybody on the last year of my life, but mostly wanted to thank everybody so much for all you have done to help me get through these rough months. If there's one thing cancer has done, it's been to help me see the good in everybody around me and learn that making that small gesture to somebody in need can really mean the world to them and can change their life!

I remember seeing some videos like this when I was diagnosed, and it helped me so much to see people on the other side of everything and helped me to know what to expect. Hopefully my video can be the same source of comfort to someone else.  Here it is!

http://youtu.be/SYbtntvZT_0

XO

Julie

"A new normal"

It has been seven weeks after surgery. Hard to believe! Time has flown by, thank goodness. And I hope it continues to!

I have recovered nicely from the surgery (according to my doctors) and I'm now finished with my weekly "fills" in my expanders. That's where the plastic surgeon fills my expanders (temporary implants, or my "pet rocks" as I like to call them :/ ) with fluid each week to gradually stretch out my skin. They're like placeholders for the real implants that I'll get at my final reconstruction surgery. The actual process of filling them hasn't been bad, since I'm still basically totally numb, but after each fill I was usually really sore for a couple of days. I reintroduced myself to my old friend hydrocodine a couple times after the fills. I was not expecting the pain to be as bad as it was.  But with each fill I started to feel better and better about the way I looked post surgery and with that I started feeling more and more like my old self again. Not gonna lie- those first couple of weeks after surgery were really really rough. I was sore, sick, stuck at home, and looking in the mirror nearly made me cry every time. Now not only did I have no hair, but I had no boobs, and instead, I just had a couple of giant scars! It was like a worst nightmare come true. I felt like I looked like (the bride of) Frankenstein! That may have been my lowest point of this whole thing... that week after surgery. But since, I have gotten stronger and stronger and am feeling MUCH better now! I've started working out again, last week I played tennis for the first time, and I've been getting in some tough workouts at the gym. I've been pleasantly surprised at how well I have been able to tolerate the workouts! Tennis went OK, but serving was a little rough with my right arm. That's the arm where they removed 15 lymph nodes. I was not expecting the lymph node thing to be so horrible but it was the worst part! What's funny is that I didn't even know until my follow up appointment a week after surgery that my doctor had removed 15 lymph nodes. I remember thinking "OK well that explains a lot!" My right armpit hurt so bad and it took a while to get my mobility back in that arm. I still have a big indention in my armpit and it's so numb under there. Then, at my first doctor's appointment after the surgery my oncologist told me about "lymphedema" which sounds like a horrible thing that I'm trying to avoid. Apparently when you have your lymph nodes removed, the fluids in your arm don't drain through your "lymph system" anymore like they should (or something like that) and you run the risk of getting lymphedema- the swelling of the hand and arm. It's a disease that won't go away but can just be maintained. Ugh. They recommend wearing a compression sleeve any time I fly or exercise..... forever. Nobody had warned me about this! There are all different theories on lympedema and wearing the sleeve... but I'm for sure wearing it on flights and kind of feeling it out for the exercise thing.

As far as the hair is concerned, well, it's growing!! The top is maybe about an inch long. It's growing in thick and darker. I thought I would be happy to just have hair but now that I just have hair I want it to be normal hair again. I still have the problem where I'm jealous of every person that I see that has hair. It's just such a weird thing to be jealous of EVERYONE I see. haha. Your hair is definitely part of your identity and it's hard to feel like my same self now! I'm going to get one more "system" soon that I will have for the wedding, and then I may try to go "system free" later in the summer. I don't know. I'm always trying to figure out which is the lesser of two evils--- super short boy hair or fake hair. Both options suck to be quite honest! But I'm trying to make it all work. I know I just need to be happy to be here, and I am, but now that I've gotten through the hardest part I just want my normal self and life back! I know it will just take time. Sigh. Any hair growth tips are welcomed!

This is my hair as of now, with a little over 2 months of growth! Only a couple more years and maybe I'll like it again :) 

Anyways, we are getting so excited for the wedding! It's only about 24 days away. I think everything is ready to go besides my head :) But oh well!! I'm hoping everything else will be perfect and I won't think about it too much. We are taking "engagement pictures" later- like a year from now when I have more hair, and I'll take my bridal portraits later, too.  After the wedding, we will go on a little mini vacation to Port Aransas with our families (Kelly's family will be here from Canada!) and then I will have to come back to Dallas to begin radiation on June 30th. The doctors said waiting until after the wedding was totally fine since I had such a good pathology report, but they want me to start pretty quickly afterwards. So we will have a delayed honeymoon in late August since I need 6 1/2 weeks of radiation. Then I will have my final reconstruction surgery in December. So it will be over a year from the date I was diagnosed to finally being "finished" with all of my procedures.

One thing I have done is to try and gain more knowledge on the subject of cancer, but I'm trying not to stress over it or let it take over my life. I read from many fellow survivor's blogs that they are anxious and nervous every day that the cancer is going to come back. Any time that they feel sick or just a little off, they're worried it's cancer.  I don't know why, but I'm just not worried like that. I feel so proud of how far I have come, that I heard those fabulous words that I am "cancer free," and I do NOT plan on ever having cancer ever again. I mean, that's why I had my bilateral mastectomy- so it has nowhere to come back. I know it can return elsewhere, but I just don't see any point in worrying about that. It's not my personality to worry about things (a blessing and a curse..) but worrying won't change anything! I now know that I got this awful disease because I have the BRCA1 gene, and not because I did anything wrong.  Not because I ate too much buttery popcorn, drank too many sodas or.. ahem.. vodka waters, not because of wine, and not because I stood near a microwave or put a cell phone in my sports bra. There are so many ridiculous theories out there! I just don't feel like I need to totally change my life around to keep it away. Of course, I'm definitely trying to maintain a healthier lifestyle, but I'm not going to stress about every little thing in my body or things that I do in my day to day life. I just want things to go back to "normal", although I know "normal" is going to be a little different now. Every day I am just happy to be alive!  I am so thankful for the kindness that has been expressed to me over the past few months, and this whole ordeal has really made me have a new outlook on life. I'm trying to stay focused on the positive, and I'm thanking the Lord every day that the hardest part is over and I'm cancer free!! I will keep the updates coming although they'll probably mainly just be me whining about my hair from now on.... LOL. Poor Kelly has to hear it all the time! Thanks again to each and every person who has commented, sent well wishes, cards, gifts, monetary donations, flowers, or anything else... I can't wait to pay the kindness forward to others for the rest of my life! That's all for now.... keep loving on your hair for me as always!! XOXO

Update with new hair that I'l have for the wedding!!! Thank the lord for Follicure!

Best News Ever!

Well I guess I should lead with the big news. My cancer is gone!!!!! I received a call from my oncologist and her nurse yesterday saying that my pathology report was back and that there was "No Evidence of Disease" anywhere in any of my removed tissue. :) This means I'm cancer free!!!!! Apparently all the chemo worked beautifully and my cancer was gone before the time of surgery. It was the best news ever and really lifted my spirits :) Now I can just focus on recovery knowing that I have nothing to be scared of, this isn't spreading and I'm not going anywhere!!!

Surgery was on Monday April 7th.  I went in to Baylor Uptown at about 11:30 AM ready to go. My family was there to greet me which was awesome. I checked in and sat down with them as I waited for my name to be called to go in. I decided I should go to the bathroom first and when I went I saw a sign on the door that said "females- check with office staff before going to the restroom- may need a urine sample." So I went to the front desk and asked them if I could go to the restroom. They said that I did in fact need a sample and to go back to the prep area and use the restroom there. So I did. Then they took me to the patient room and told me to undress and put on my gown. I asked if I could go back out to the waiting room to see my family first since all I told them was that I was going to the restroom and then disappeared.  They said no, and that they would come back to see me. I felt like I was hijacked!!! I didn't even have my purse! LOL. But they were right, not long after I went into the room Kelly came back to sit with me and then not long after that the rest of the crew came back. My mom, LA (stepdad), Uncle Bill, Aunt Lisa, Chad, Laurie, Dad and Barbara (stepmom), Pammie, and of course Kelly were all there with me as we waited in the prep room. We said a prayer and had some laughs and my anxiety level was good. I was glad they could all be there with me to wait to be taken into surgery. We had to wait for my surgeon to finish her prior surgery and then when she was getting close to being finished the anesthesiologist would come back and get me started on the drugs. The first thing that they did in the waiting room was to put my IV in through my hand. It kind of hurt! It's still sore but that's the least of my worries now. :)After a while the Anesthesiologist and nurse came back and told my family that this was it, I was going back to surgery. On the way to the surgery room the anesthesiologist asked me a couple questions, and that's all I remember. I must have passed out during his line of questioning. The surgery then began around 1:30 and lasted about 4 hours. Dr. Knox took two hours and Dr. Potter (the plastic surgeon) took two hours. Each of them came out to update my family on the progress throughout the day and I am very appreciative of that. I do sort of remember waking up in recovery and Kelly was standing right there by me. He said the first things I said were "can I have some chap-stick and can you itch my right arm" Ha!! I've always loved chap stick. I was in recovery for about an hour and then was moved into my room at the hospital. I had some flowers already waiting for me in the room which was awesome. I had a few visitors that evening but mostly it was just Kelly with me by my side all night long. I can't even begin to explain how awesome he has been through this. I already knew he was an amazing person but I've just been so pleasantly surprised at how he's handled all of this and at what a good caretaker he is. It sucks that his fiancé had to lose all of her hair, eyelashes, eyebrows and now her boobs.  Not to mention my demeanor hasn't been quite the same as it was when we fell in love. It's such a scary thing to go through, but he hasn't wavered or distanced himself for a second and I love him so much more for that. I truly can't wait to marry him!!! I made a promise to him that "I'll be cuter than I ever have been for the rest of my life after this!" Of course he says he doesn't care, but I do. :) He is just so awesome and I'm so thankful for him. The night of the surgery he sat right by my side and fed me jello and ice chips, and gave me lots of chap stick. :) I woke him up throughout the night when I needed things and he was always right there by my side.

The next day, I ate a breakfast of eggs and bacon, and saw a nurse just about every hour. Both surgeons came to check on me, looked at the incisions and said that everything was looking good. I had one little incident on Wednesday where I got  nauseous and poor kelly couldn't find a trash can or anything for me. I had to have the nurse change all my clothes. :)

I was told that I could go home whenever I was ready. I decided to stay through lunch time and then we left the hospital around 1:00. I have nothing but great things to say about all of my nurses and my experience at Baylor Uptown. They were so kind and thoughtful and caring and did a great job. They also kept my family very much in the loop and I know they really appreciated that.

Since I've been home, things started out a little rough. I spent all of Tuesday and Wednesday in bed, and couldn't keep any food down. I started to run a fever on Wednesday night. I was taking hydrocodine every four hours for the pain. It kept the pain away, but I guess it was making me sick. We called Dr. Knox's nurse yesterday to let her know what all was going on. She got mad at us! She said I should be up and doing things and not laying around. I needed to be doing my arm exercises and breathing exercises more and walking around the house, even going for walks outside or going out to run errands. That seemed a little extreme, but I've since been much more mobile and I've been feeling better. My fever was gone this morning and of course getting that amazing news yesterday helped my spirits and gave me strength. Now the cancer is gone and I just need my hair to get growing!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited to be done with the two hardest/biggest steps, chemo and surgery. I get to go to get my drains taken out on Monday morning at Dr Potter's office, which will be amazing. They are gross and I feel like I'm pregnant with all this extra baggage on my tummy. Kelly's gone back to work and it's a very busy week for the Stars. I've had some fun visitors and my mom has been right by my side since I came home! She is a great nurse. :) Thanks to you all for your love and support, for sending flowers, and for the  donations to my web page to help my pay for all of this stuff. It has been such a stress relief to know I don't have to come up with the thousands of dollars that  it takes to beat cancer. But I'm so glad to say that I've done it, I BEAT CANCER.... the rest of my life starts now!!

XOXO Julie

It's a go... and it's coming soon!

My apologies for not updating until now.. but my surgery plans have been a little wishy washy. But the big news is that surgery is a go for tomorrow. My platelet counts went way up when I got my blood drawn Wednesday. So that's great! But my white blood cell counts went down... they always seem to flip flop. Luckily there is a shot to boost the white blood cells, so I went in and got that on Friday and Saturday. Today, I went to a different clinic at Baylor that is open on Sundays for a CBC (complete blood count) so they could monitor all my counts and make sure we're good to go. They said I would get a phone call if there were any issues... and I didn't get a phone call so that must mean everything looks OK!

Surgery is set for tomorrow at Baylor Uptown. For all you Dallas friends, that's right next to the Rustic.  I'd like to think I could go there for a victory cocktail and some country music after surgery but I should probably wait a while. :) I check in at 11:30, and surgery is supposed to last four hours. The anesthesiologist just called and one of the things he said is that after surgery I will go to recovery for an hour and half.  So I'm guessing I'll be finished and awake by about 6:00, but who knows! I am not supposed to eat or drink anything after midnight tonight- so that's going to be tough! I drink so much water and they said I'm not even supposed to do that! Hopefully I can sleep in late and will not have to worry about it so much.

I've had a good day today, my last day with (these)  boobs. :)  I probably haven't fully taken advantage of this day though as I've worn a big sweatshirt and now a big T shirt all day.... So sexy!! Ha. But it's been a good day because I've been surrounded by my whole family all day long. My dad and stepmom drove in from Austin and my brother Chad and his girlfriend Laurie are here from Austin as well. They've actually been here all week, because they were planning on coming for the originally scheduled surgery last Monday and ended up staying all week to hang out with me. :) Same with my mom so we've spent all week together, and my stepdad came up from Austin yesterday, too. Oh, and my cousin Matt was who's like my little brother was with us today as well. :) We all went to my favorite mexican restaurant, Chuys, and then came over to my place to watch the Stars. The Stars blew the game after being up 2-0, so that wasn't cool! But we had fun watching. Kelly should be on a flight back from Florida now and I'm really looking forward to seeing him!!!

Thank you all so much for the love and prayers..... I can feel the prayers and they're giving me so much strength and positivity. There's no way I could do this alone and I'm so blessed and happy to be surrounded by so many amazing people in my life. I'm pretty nervous, and now that I've talked to the anesthesiologist it seems even more real.... but I know I am in good hands with all of my doctors and I know that most importantly of all, I'll be in God's hands and I'll be safe and sound there. I'll have my mom guest blog tomorrow with an update for everybody, but just know I'm in good spirits and excited to get this show on the road and to be one step closer to getting back to my normal life.

Keep loving on your hair and have a great week everyone! I have three more hours to eat so I guess it's time for my leftover quesadillas. :)  XOXO

Julie

On second thought....

On second thought... I'm quite glad that I wasn't cut open today! :0 I had a very nice day and enjoyed being healthy and conscious! It was funny, I kept thinking all day long, "I could be knocked out on a surgery table right now but instead I'm watching Ranger baseball at work!" or "I could be getting my boobs cut off right now but instead I'm in spin class!" It was a funny day.  I'm going to take advantage of the next week and enjoy being healthy and try to work out every single day. As long as I'm feeling up to it of course. I'm very sad about not being able to exercise for a few weeks after the surgery as it is often my favorite part of the day and of course I'm trying to get in great shape for that big day on June 21st! Also, when I'm alone and at home with nothing going on is when I get down about all of this... one of the best things for my mental state has been to keep on going to work, going out with my friends, going to Stars games and practices, and of course working out. I'm not going to be able to do any of those things for a while so I feel like it will be harder not to get down in the dumps. But hopefully I can avoid that! I'll get my blood drawn again in two days and will find out if my platelets have gone up. If they have then we will go forward with the surgery on April 7th. Fingers crossed! As of now, if I have surgery on April 7th and start radiation four weeks after, then I won't be finished until June 13th. My wedding is June 21st. So it's cutting it close already, and if my surgery is pushed back again I could be in trouble! Hoping for the best. I will keep y'all updated. Keep loving on your hair please, I miss mine every second and have had some random cries about it lately to be honest.  Oh, and GO STARS... our team has 8 regular season games left and they're one point out of the playoffs.... Kelly's on the road all week as they play 4 games in 6 days! Cranberry and I will be watching and cheering. Have a great week, everyone! I'll update on Wednesday. XOXO

Change of plans.... again!

Just wanted to give everybody an update that my surgery was pushed back a week. It will no longer be this Monday, it will be on April 7th. I went for a blood draw on Tuesday and my platelets were so low they wanted to be safe and push the surgery back instead of waiting to see if they go up. If my platelets are too low, my blood is really thin and I'd bleed too much during surgery and also won't heal as quickly. Neither of those things sound good! So I know they are making the right decision. But I was pretty bummed as I was all ready to go, had my schedule cleared, family had plans to come in town, etc. I want to keep this "journey" moving forward!  I went back yesterday and checked again, and they had gone DOWN, so now my fingers are crossed that they'll start going up a lot very soon! My next  check is on Wednesday. I thought I was finished with #plateletprayers but apparently my body just has still not recovered from the chemo drugs. So #plateletprayers are back on!! In the meantime... I'm going to try and make the most of it and enjoy my extra week before surgery!! Thanks so much for all the love and support and I'll keep everyone updated. :)

XO

Julie

The waiting game

So my last chemo was a go! I have been done with chemo for a week now and it feels great. I mean.. I don't feel much different but it feels great to be done with that first (long) step! I think it was a total of 5 and a half months.  Now I am just in waiting mode... letting my body recover from the chemo and waiting for my blood counts to get back up before surgery which will be coming up very soon on Monday, March 31st. Rangers opening day! It'll be a far cry from eating hot dogs and drinking beer at the ballpark this year!

I'm really nervous for surgery. I know I will be OK and I just keep telling myself that they do these surgeries all the time. It's only my second surgery ever and my first was to put the chemo port in back in October. I've basically cleared my schedule for the month of April as I've heard the recovery takes quite a while. Kelly's hoping to get that Tuesday's road game off so he can be there with me for the surgery. It will be his first game off in about five years! Then he'll hopefully go to meet the team on the road. Of course, that week is one of the Stars longest trips of the season.... typical! But my mom is coming up to take care of my for a couple weeks and that will be nice. If anybody has any good movies or TV show recommendations, send them my way!! :) On the bright side, I bet Cranberry will be happy to have me to snuggle with for a month :)

I'll have my expanders put in at the time of surgery. I've heard that they are rather uncomfortable, especially when they fill them with fluid each week. I'll have drains basically hanging off of me for at least a week after the surgery. Fun, huh? Having the drains in will limit me to staying home that whole time. I'm already grossed out by the drains and I haven't even met them yet. Ugh.

I will find out the results from the pathology lab at an appointment with my oncologist on April 10th. They'll tell me if all the cancer is gone or if they still found some hanging around after they did the mastectomy. I FEEL like it's all gone. But who knows! I really really really hope so! If not, my doctor said they would most likely give me a pill to take every day of radiation. (Which is..... every day.) She said they have pretty much given me all the chemo drugs that they can give me besides this pill. But let's hope we don't have to worry about that! Prayers for a good report on April 10th!

My hair is starting to grow back.... which is nice since I only just finished chemo! It is about half an inch long and looks like it's growing back darker. Not cool, hair! I was hoping it would grow back the color it first grew in when I was a baby, really blonde! But no such luck. I'm still going to wear my "system" for a long time, until I feel comfortable going without it. And then I will hopefully get extensions once the hair is long enough. I actually went and met with an extension lady yesterday to see how soon I could get them. She said she could technically do them before my wedding but that she honestly thought my "system" looked better and was a better option. She couldn't believe how good it looked! That's what most people say when they see it and find out that it's not my hair. So I guess it looks pretty good to outsiders, which is good, but I still think about how much I miss my hair every single second of every single day. I'm really sad to be getting married without my hair. But I am really happy to be getting married, and that's what matters! Funny how my thoughts always come back to the hair.... it's just the very worst part!

I have definitely had my fair share of "why me" moments lately and it's still been tough. A lot of time has passed but I'm still in disbelief that this is my life. It's just so surreal. But I know I'm lucky to be doing as well as I am so far and I know things like this happen to people all of the time, and it doesn't make sense to them either. For example, I saw a story about a lady who lost her leg at the Boston Marathon and was starting to dance again. Now THAT's a big time "why me" situation! It's just not fair! We all need to just be so thankful for each and every day that we are here on this earth, live life to the fullest and especially, please be so thankful if you are happy and healthy! I hope to be back in that category soon. I've got the happy part down at least. :) This surgery is just the next step for me to get back to the healthy part.  I'll give another update after the surgery... maybe I'll have a guest writer blog to let you all know how everything goes! Until next time....... keep loving on your hair!!!

XOXO
Julie

ONE.MORE.

TOMORROW IS MY LAST CHEMO!!! HOPEFULLY EVER!!!

I'm very excited to be almost done with the first stage of my treatment! It hasn't been horrible for me, but I'm ready to be one step closer to the end of this journey. Tomorrow I will get my blood drawn at 9AM and as long as my counts are good- which they should be- then I will get my last treatment. It is just going to be one drug, taxol and it should only take about an hour. It's also my mom's birthday so she'll be on hand and then we will have lots of celebrating to do tomorrow night!

I will say that I have been so happy with all of my treatment and the wonderful doctors and nurses that I have met at Baylor Hospital. I will miss them! I'll see my Oncologist one last time a week from tomorrow to check my blood counts one more time and see how everything is looking before surgery. Surgery is set for March 31st. I'm pretty nervous about it and not looking forward to being stuck in bed for 2-3 weeks after. Especially during the most exciting part of the hockey season and when the weather is turning pretty!! But gotta do what you gotta do I guess, and hopefully it won't be too terrible.

I've felt really good lately and been really busy with work. I've had some great opportunities come up to do some more pre and post game reporting for the Stars games in addition to producing and reporting for my show, Stars Insider.  Besides when I am at the hospital, I almost forget sometimes that I have the C word (I'm tired of saying it) and it has been great! I just want my normal life to go on and so far I've been able to do everything I'd normally be doing. (Just doing it all without my real hair which again has been the WORST part and really the only terrible part so far.)

So..... so far so good, and I'll give another update after my last chemo treatment!! Thank you for the continued love and prayers!! XO

The Chemo Countdown has begun

I officially have 5 more weeks of chemo left... that's 37 days..... or 888 hours.. but who's counting???

Last Monday my platelet counts were still not high enough to receive the scheduled taxol/carboplatin treatment. I met with my doctor after having my blood drawn and she said that since my body did not seem to be recovering well from the carboplatin we would try and change up my infusion schedule. Instead of telling me to just try again in a week, we came up with a new plan. I will now be receiving chemo treatments weekly until I am finished instead of every three weeks. Every Wednesday will be chemo day. Happy hump day to me! :) I will get taxol on a weekly basis, (as it is often given when it is the only drug) and they will try to "sneak" in carboplatin when they can. Hopefully that will mean carboplatin every other week if it is given to me in smaller doses. This way my body won't get hit so hard all at once with the drug but I will still be getting it and I'll hopefully still see the same results. (Remember... carboplatin is specifically good for triple negative breast cancer patients WITH the BRCA1 gene receiving chemo BEFORE surgery. So specifically.... ME!) The best case scenario is still for all of the cancer to be gone before my surgery. However, I won't know how well the chemo worked either way until after the surgery since they have to examine my tissue under the microscope. At this point, all we know is what the doctor can feel manually and it seems that things have been feeling better, but she says it's hard to tell for sure. My last report was "significantly more subtle" signs of the tumor. To me it feels like it's almost gone. But that's me :) She said that sometimes it can still feel like the tumor is there or has not shrunk all the way, but then when they examine the tissue during surgery they find that it is only scar tissue that had been felt and the cancer is gone. That's what I'm hoping for!

So-if all goes as planned, and it should since we have a new and improved plan,  March 12th will be my last chemo treatment. Also my mom's birthday. Happy Birthday, mom!!!!! :) I am SO ready to be done. Chemo has been OK for me but I'm more than ready to let my hair start growing back. I've recently lost my eyebrows and eyelashes and I'm not gonna lie, it has been pretty miserable. The past few weeks have definitely been the hardest. I've tried to keep a positive outlook but I definitely have had my fair share of random cries lately. Not looking like myself has been really hard- it's a constant reminder every day that I'm "sick" and fighting a huge battle, when all I want is to be living my normal life that I had before. I've told myself that for the rest of my life- if I have my health and hair and eyelashes and eyebrows.... I won't complain about a thing. And I mean that!!!

In happier news- it's the NHL's Olympic Break and I'm very excited for a couple weeks off with Kelly. He's been working like crazy ever since I was diagnosed right when the season started. We are in Austin now to see my family and do some wedding things.. then on Friday, (Valentine's Day!) Kelly, Isaac (Kel's son), and I will go to  DISNEY WORLD!! I'm so excited to spend some time with both my boys in the happiest place on earth. I could use some mickey mouse and a happy ten year old "future stepson" in my life right now. :) Isaac is a true joy and a blessing to me and I just love him so much!! He's definitely a huge "bonus" that I will get in marrying Kelly..... and thanks to him I get to do fun kid things now like going to Disneyworld!  :)

Prayers are appreciated for this 5 weeks to fly by, for the chemo to WORK and for my hair to start to GROW!! Happy Valentine's Day to all!

XOXOXO

Julie

OK Chemo.... quit playing hard to get!

I guess it's about time for an update! It's been a good few weeks- my spirits have been pretty good and I've been staying busy with work, family, and friends. The bad news is that last Wednesday was supposed to be my chemo day for treatment # 7 but it had to get delayed again. I was really hoping this one would stay on track! They gave me a smaller dose of Carboplatin at chemo #6 which was supposed to help to keep me on schedule.  But apparently it still hit my bone marrow pretty hard and my platelet and white blood cell counts were low again. There is a white blood cell shot called Neupogen that I could take but my platelet counts weren't even high enough for me to get that shot. This is just so extremely frustrating! It's so weird that my counts are so low but I feel fine, and apparently there's nothing I can do but wait. The doctors said to be careful because I am at high risk for infection right now, but I haven't gotten sick lately even through all the crazy flu outbreaks in Dallas. (Knock on wood.) I have been working and working out lots in an effort to keep my energy level up and get into good shape before my surgery! We are now going to try for treatment on Monday. I have a lot of praying to do at bible study on Sunday night. :) Oh wait, it's the Super Bowl... OK I'll be praying during the Super Bowl!!!  If I get the treatment Monday I will be happy as it won't be TOO much more of a delay. I have set my wedding date for June 21, 2014. It was set on that date based on my initial schedule which would have me DONE with chemo NOW!!!! I was initially supposed to finish by the end of January. With all these delays I am getting nervous about the wedding date. After I finally finish these two rounds of chemo I will have to wait 4 weeks (I think) after that to have my mastectomy. Then I have to wait four weeks to start radiation, and radiation will last 5-6 weeks. I'd prefer not to be doing radiation or even finishing up radiation the week of my wedding. The radiation can cause burns and can make you tired. I already have enough to deal with... like not having my real hair or real boobs at the wedding...eeeek.... so I'd prefer to not be burned and tired too! Just a simple request! I don't care much about colors or flowers or centerpieces or cakes or food or anything else...... I just want to be healthy and happy and walk down the aisle to marry my best friend! I should know more after Monday but fingers crossed I get my treatment and can stay on track!  I will say that the wedding planning has been so fun and it's proven to be a very good distraction from all the other crap I'm dealing with. I'm getting so excited for the festivities to begin! #plateletprayers over the weekend are very much appreciated..... need to keep pumping that chemo through my body to make sure the cancer is getting killed. It's funny even as I write the word "cancer" it feels like I'm talking about something so foreign. My friend Abby told me a story about somebody who said to her "Oh you're the one whose friend has cancer" and I thought to myself..... "Oh no, Abby! Which friend? That's horrible!" And then quickly remembered that friend was me. YIKES. I still feel like this is some kind of horrific dream and I'm still constantly bewildered that all this has happened.

Now for an update on my always exciting hair adventures! I got some new hair today and that has helped my spirits. The last "system" was shedding soo bad and it was getting very thin. I couldn't really wear it down anymore.  I was actually asked to do the sideline reporting for the Stars games two days last week.. (Something I would LOVE to do full time so it's always an "audition" for me when I fill in) and of course I finally got the opportunity when my "hair" was looking it's worst and I barely had any eyebrows or eyelashes! I think it turned out alright, though. I tried and tried to put on fake eyelashes on my own and quickly destroyed three pair in about ten minutes. It's so hard! Going to keep working on it. I told Kelly earlier that I really think my disposition throughout all of this really has a lot to do with my current hair situation at the time. I feel like that may be a general rule for all of us ladies anyways- mine's just a bit more extreme! When my hair looks bad or fake I don't feel like myself and it's just a daily reminder that I have cancer. When it looks good and I feel cute I feel much better! I wish I was a scientist/doctor because whoever eventually comes up with a way to keep hair from falling out during chemo will be helping out so many women around the world more than they know! And they'll probably be crazy rich!  It has seriously been the very worst part of all of this. And I know it's going to be a LONG time before my real hair is as long as it was and as long as I'd like it to be. Keep getting those pixie cuts, celebs! Maybe we can make it cool :)

I'm off now to the Mavs game and have a nice relaxing weekend planned. I am having brunch tomorrow with a girl who I share many mutual friends with here in Dallas who was diagnosed at age 24. She's 28 or 29 now and cute and healthy and happy so I'm really looking forward to chatting with her about her experience. I really cherish and appreciate when people who have gone through this mess reach out to me- especially those who went through it in their twenties who can relate! The friendships I have made with those in my "cancer circle" have been a true blessing. Hopefully one day SOON breast cancer will be a thing of the past, but until then we have to stick together and help one another get through the rough times!  I will give an update next week and let you all know if I'm able to get my chemo on Monday! Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend. XOXO

My newest "Do"... and eyelashes with the help from the nice folks at MAC Makeup counter!!

Julie

Chemo Update

Yay! All the prayers worked, ya'll! Thank you Lord! My platelet counts were where they needed to be so I was able to move forward with my 6th chemo treatment yesterday, finally! After hearing my counts were good I went to see my friend Greg at FitSteps who is conducting the exercise research experiment and I did my 30 minutes of walking on the treadmill. I tried to walk fast and on a high incline to make it like a "real workout." Then I went to get chemo and my blood pressure was a bit low during the Taxol treatment.. it was dropping every 15 minutes when the nurse checked, so we started to worry a little bit.... it got down to about 85. I was also half asleep when the nurse was taking my blood pressure thanks to the IV of Benadryl that they gave me before they started the heavy drugs. But once I sat up and had half a turkey sandwich and some cranberry juice my blood pressure went back up to 100. The nurse thought the fluctuation was perhaps from the workout that I did prior to the treatment, who knows! Just glad it went back up and they didn't have to stop down the Taxol treatment. Also, my doctor dose reduced both my Taxol and Carboplatin drugs which should hopefully keep my platelet and white blood cell counts at a normal level and keep the delays from happening in the future. I'm going to go in and see them in two weeks from today to do a blood draw and see where things stand a week before my next chemo, because although my platelet levels had gone up this time, the white blood cell count was on the low end. If that's still the case in two weeks they can give me a shot to help the counts go up before the next chemo. So fingers crossed I can stay on track... only two treatments left, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the chemo tunnel! Then I get to open up the doors to the mastectomy tunnel which I'm sure will be a lovely tunnel. :) (Insert grossed out face emoticon here).

Anywho, all is well and I'm feeling good- had no nausea or sickness just a little drowsiness from the Benadryl. Went to my regular Pure Barre class today and have spin class tomorrow- time to kick in that wedding workout plan as we're just over 6 months out! Mom is staying with me until Kelly gets back from NYC on Friday night/Saturday morning after they play. We're having fun wedding planning and watching Juan Pablo on the Bachelor.

Thanks so much for all the love and prayers after my last blog post- they truly helped and I love you all!!!!!! XOXO

Julie

Welcome 2014..... (Please be nice!!!)

It's been a month since I blogged.... yikes! It's been a busy month and I have lots of updates.

Aside from getting "the news" in September..... the past couple of weeks have been the toughest for me. I've now tried twice to get my 6th round of chemo and both times my blood platelet counts were too low so I couldn't move forward with treatment. It's like getting amped up for a really big game, or prepping for a big trip...  clearing your schedule, packing up your bags and then getting to the airport and having the trip canceled. Twice. Never thought I would WANT to get chemo so badly!  My next attempt will be this Tuesday. I wish I could eat platelets or something.. (I'd do it!!)  but apparently there's nothing you can do to bring the count up but wait. The doctors said that it's not a scary thing or something that I need to worry about but it is really bumming me out because I want to get this stupid cancer show on the road and now it's more than two weeks behind schedule! I had my mastectomy scheduled for Feb. 24 which was going to work great with the NHL schedule- (Kelly would be home and off)  but now it looks like it will be the week of March 17th and he'll be on the road the whole week. So all in all it's more than a two week delay, then the start of radiation will be delayed two weeks and it will now take me into early June instead of being done mid May. If I'm able to get my chemo this Tuesday then they'll give me a lower dosage of carboplatin for the next three rounds, which is the drug that is affecting my platelet counts. So hopefully I can get back on schedule!

I'm also really missing my hair!! I got my new "custom system" put on last week and although I do like it, I guess I was a bit underwhelmed. I am very appreciative of it and the color is much better than the "temporary" one but it just doesn't look as natural as I was hoping. It looks pretty good down but when I wear it up it looks strange. You know that game that little girls play in the pool where they go under and get their hair wet then come up with the hair in their face and flip it over  to look like Martha Washington? That's how I feel when I put it try to put this hair up.

Oh Google you never cease to amaze me.  Searched "Martha Washington pool hair"  for this lovely picture.

I like to wear my hair up ALL the time so this is quite frustrating! It will be a while until my hair is going to be back and long enough to wear without any sort of wig so I'm just trying to deal with it as best as I can! It's awkward when I'm working out or when I'm in my pure barre classes- I can't really wear it up over my ears. I get distracted when I'm in workout class or at the gym or just out in the world in general because I just stare at everyone's real hair and miss mine. I think I'm even holding a grudge against my cat for having pretty hair. (Sorry, Cran!) I guess in the grand scheme of things it's not important and yes, I know it will grow back..... but it's really been getting to me lately. Maybe because everyone always looks so cute during the holidays and I feel the least cute I've ever been right now... thanks to the fake hair, the thinning eyebrows/eyelashes and the loss of color in my skin. I'm trying my best to be cute through cancer but it's pretty tough! That cancer's a real A Hole. I also think it's funny that I've had about three different "hairstyles"AKA "systems" on the air this past month! Trying to do my best to keep up the gig even with the fake hair.

In other news.... I've learned more about the mastectomy/ plastic surgery that is in my future and feel confident in my doctors that will be doing the procedures. There are a lot of options for the reconstruction and it sounds like we'll figure out which one to move forward with after I'm done with radiation. Then I have to wait three months before the final reconstructive surgery. 

One other surprising thing that I've learned is that I do in fact have the "BRCA1" gene which means that the cancer is hereditary. It makes no sense and I was totally shocked to hear that news since nobody that I knew of in my family has had breast cancer.  But at least I have more of an idea of why this has happened to me at such a young age. It wasn't something I did!  It turns out my mom has a cousin on my grandpa's side that does in fact have the BRCA1 gene and has battled breast cancer twice. After hearing that news my genetic counselor said that she wants to test my mom for the gene. She said in almost all cases in which a child has the gene, they contracted it from one of their parents. So now we have that to worry about!!! I'm encouraging my mom to get the gene test- because even if she does have the gene, she'll at least know and there are many options for her. It's the same kind of deal that happened to Angelina Jolie.... her mom had breast cancer and she knew she had the gene so she took care of her breasts before they took care of her! Not a bad idea at all and I honestly wish I'd somehow known that I had the gene so I could have done the same thing. They'll also probably want to test my brother for the gene because he could be a carrier. If he's a carrier, he'll be like me and have a 50% chance that he'll pass the gene down to any future children. I was really hoping to not have the gene so my current family and future family wouldn't have to worry! Which brings me to another topic......having kids. 

The discovery of this BRCA1 gene means that I'll have to have my ovaries removed eventually. The  gene is connected directly to having a high risk of both breast cancer and ovarian cancer. As my doctor put it... my ovaries are now a "ticking time bomb" and there is a very high chance that I could get ovarian cancer as well. YAY! She said that I could probably wait about three years before having the hysterectomy so that gives me about a three year window to have kids, if I can in fact have kids. That's probably not going to be easy since the chemo destroys basically everything inside of you.... including your ovaries. I'm trying to be optimistic about it. I'm getting a shot of a drug called "Lupron" every three weeks that is supposed to help protect my ovaries so I can hopefully still have children.  (It also has some lovely side effects such as hot flashes! Little future baby.. I love you so much I've brought on early menopause for you!) Those hot flashes are not joke. Ugh. So I've tried to find stats about conceiving after chemo and there's just not much out there... since most people who get this disease are at least 40 and have most likely had children already. I am researching all my options and will probably contact a fertility clinic to find out more about my specific situation and what I can do. It's funny- before cancer I was not on a fast track, or really any track to have children. I actually was planning to wait as long as I could so that I could focus on my marriage and career... and maybe I'd just get another cat to tide me over :)  But now... after finding out that I may not be able to have kids of my own, I think about it all the time and it's something I want more than anything in the world. (And maybe it's also due to the fact that all my friends are getting pregnant! Very happy for them. :)) 

It's crazy how you think you have life all figured out one moment and the next you learn that you indeed do not, not at all. As much as you think you have everything in control, it can all be changed within a second, within a doctor's appointment. God had a different plan for me so I'm going to do my best with it. It hasn't been easy and I know it is still only the beginning. It's going to be long journey to get my normal life back.  So for now, I'm just going to pray that I can get my next chemo on Tuesday and move forward with the plan, mentally and physically prepare myself for the impending mastectomy, and try to keep on keepin on!! I know it will all work out in the end. :) And a million thank you's for everybody's support and encouragement! I could not do this alone.... that I know for a fact!! Hope everyone has a great start to 2014.... keep loving on your hair and getting those mammograms for me!! XOXO

Wedding Planning and Chemo. I'll take it!

So I have some really exciting news!!!!! My amazing, wonderful, handsome boyfriend PROPOSED on Thanksgiving!!!! I was so shocked and excited. I really didn't see it coming, he did a great job keeping it a secret from me! It happened at my 93 year old grandmother, nanny's, house a place that is very special to me. He proposed after our big meal and after the Cowboy game ended, in front of 17 of my family members including his mom Arlene who was visiting all the way from Canada. My mom and stepdad were prepared with two nice champagne glasses and some good champagne to celebrate, and celebrate we did until about 1:00 AM! It could not have been more perfect. The ring is amazing- so sparkly and so "us." I'm so impressed with Kelly, my "fiancé!"

I'm also so very excited to have some GOOD news and a big party to plan and look forward to. It's a bit of a challenge getting things planned through my "wedding road blocks" of chemo, a mastectomy, radiation, and reconstruction, but I think we'll manage. :) I may not look totally like myself or quite as I had planned to look on my wedding day but the main thing is that WE GET MARRIED!!!! So excited to be married to my fabulous man! 

Tomorrow will be my 5th chemo treatment and my first Taxol/Carboplatin treatment. I should know by tomorrow whether or not I have the "cancer gene". Fingers crossed that I don't! I think the next 4 treatments will last a little longer- like around three hours to get both drugs. (update- it took four and a half hours! I slept through two hours of it though bc they gave me benadryl.) :)  Kelly is in Chicago and then heading to Toronto with the team this week so my mom will be going to chemo with me. I have a feeling we'll do some wedding planning while I sit in my chemo chair. Works for me! Also- I was given two JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE tickets for tomorrow's concert at the AAC so I'm going to pray that I feel OK after chemo! These drugs are not supposed to be as tough on the body as my last two (which weren't even too bad for me) so I'm hoping that I will feel good enough to dance tomorrow night! :) 

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving, are loving on your hair and not sweating the small stuff in life. The holiday season can be busy and crazy but it's such a good time to reflect on how lucky we all are- (especially if you are blessed with fabulous hair and good health! ;) )  I'm so thankful for my amazing family who is helping me through this battle, my great, knowledgeable doctors, and my strong, supportive fiance, and I'm really looking forward to the Christmas season. Until next time!

XOXO

Julie

Just after the proposal :) 

My gorgeous ring that Kelly picked out all on his own!

My new family! Little did I know they were not just cooking here but also scheming :)

Things are coming along...

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! This blog was supposed to be posted a week ago but things got busy and here we are today :) Here's last week's update and I'll follow with another!

Last Wednesday I went in for my 4th chemo treatment and got a lot of news. Kelly was my chemo partner this time which is always great :) I love when he can be with me. First I went in for my blood work which was all good. That means I can proceed to get the chemo treatment. My doctors were running a little behind so I went and did my 30 minute workout with FITSteps for Life after I got my blood work done. I like doing this workout and who knows, maybe it is part of the reason my side effects have been kept at bay and the cancer is shrinking. So after the workout I went to visit my doctor and her nurse Christina. She told me that she is going to add Carboplatin to my drug "recipe" for the last four sessions. This is the drug that has been good at producing a "pathological complete response"to the chemo- which means that they hope the cancer will be ALL THE WAY gone before surgery and NEVER COME BACK. I really hope it is ALL THE WAY GONE and NEVER COMES BACK!!!! Work, Carboplatin, work!! :) I will get this drug along with a drug called Taxol every three weeks. So my treatments will now move from every 2 weeks to every 3 weeks. It will be nice to not have to worry about chemo every couple of weeks but the down side is that it pushes everything back by three weeks. My first Carboplatin/Taxol treatment will be December 4th. The chemo will now take me through the end of February. So that means my surgery will most likely be at the beginning of March. I'm a little bummed because Kelly and I will basically be off for the whole month of February for the NHL's Olympic break. It would have been good timing to have surgery and recover without having to miss any work. March will get super busy for us again so it's not the ideal time... but let's be real, I guess there's never an ideal time to have your boobs cut off!! :0 I can't stress about it as that won't do me any good. So mastectomy will be early March, then I recover for about three weeks and then I will most likely start radiation. Radiation will last 5-6 weeks and is every day Monday through Friday for 15 minutes. That will be tough. Not sure how that's all going to work with my schedule but we'll see! Then I need to rest and recover for three whole months before my reconstruction, which puts me at about August for that big time surgery.  It' s a lot longer timeline than I was hoping. I will have "expanders" put in with my mastectomy and will keep those until my reconstruction. They fill the expanders every month or so with salene which will help to progressively stretch your skin out to be able to fully finish the reconstruction. I have soooo many questions about all of this and now have an appointment set up with my plastic surgeon for December 18th and I'll get to find out a lot more! Hope everyone has a great Holiday weekend!! XO

Julie

If it weren't for cancer......

Tomorrow will be chemo #4, the halfway point! Hoping to get some more good news.  I'm gonna get a little sappy here today as I reflect back on the last two months. :)

Sometimes I think, "If it weren't for cancer, my life would be pretty perfect right now." But then I stop and think... "or maybe... this is just the way it should be." A lot of the reasons that I'm so happy these days are a result of things that have happened to me since being diagnosed.

This past weekend, nine of my best friends from college, my Chi Omega sisters, came to see me. It's very rare for everybody to have a free weekend where we can all get together, and for them to all fly to Dallas and come to me is just so super awesome! I got to host all my best friends at my house, take them to my favorite places in Dallas and just relax and have some fabulous girl time that I had really been craving. This was our life every day of college at Mizzou, and those were some of the best times of my life. This weekend felt just like we were back in college, we were all just snuggling, gossiping, laughing and even crying. It made me so happy and thankful for what I have. If I didn't have cancer, last weekend wouldn't have happened. 

If I didn't have cancer, I wouldn't have seen just how amazing people really can be. I was starting to doubt the goodness of people after this past year of tragedies across our nation. The shooting in Newtown really hit my boyfriend Kelly and I hard. I just don't understand how somebody could be such a monster. We cried for a few days after that. It's crazy to me that even after that horrible tragedy, shootings of this kind kept occurring in our country. I was really starting to doubt the good in humanity. Now- that's all changed and I'm just in awe of how amazing people really are. I've had so many people reach out to me that I can't even keep track, and feel horrible that I can't personally thank everybody. The website my best friend Jessie made (www.helpjuliebeatcancer.com) has had such an unbelievable response. Friends, family and even strangers have been reaching out, donating money to my medical fund, and leaving me kind words that really strengthen and inspire me. I check it often and it immediately lifts my spirits. I don't think I would feel so strong and inspired and loved if it weren't for cancer.

About 95% of the people I work with are dudes who love sports. Dudes who love sports and love fantasy football and making off color jokes. These dudes are not known for being sentimental.  Now, I come in to work and these dudes just give me hugs. They ask how I'm doing. They call and check on me, and have even donated to my website.  The outpouring of concern and care from my co-workers has been so incredible. I wouldn't get these hugs or know how amazing all my co-workers truly are if it weren't for cancer.

The Dallas Stars organization, wow, has just gone above and beyond to let me know that they care. From the players and their wives, to the front office, to the fans... they've made me feel so special. Dropping the puck at the Stars v Calgary game on Hockey Fights Cancer night was one of the most amazing nights of my life.  Seeing the arena stand up and cheer me on, like they would for a Jamie Benn game winning goal, was just such a surreal moment. I would not have experienced that moment if it weren't for cancer. 

My friends and family have really gone out of their way to show me support and let me know that they care. Almost every day I have a nice card in the mail or a friend calling to see if I need dinner or company, or just wanting to know how they can help. I got a dozen roses from a girl I haven't talked to in about a decade. I've received kind words and donations from so many friends and friends of friends. I received donations and hand written cards from co-workers of my stepdad whom I've never met. I've received inspirational notes and facebook messages from people I've met throughout my life, and even some other cancer survivors. I've received an outpouring of love from Kelly's family and his parent's friends in Canada, and it's all just so amazing. People are so kind. Most of my relationships I have with people in my life have become stronger.  I have treats and gifts and blankets and flowers and hats and cards all throughout my house that serve as constant reminders of just how much I am loved and how many people are pulling for me. It's hard to get sad in a house full of treats and gifts and blankets and flowers and hats and cards. I wouldn't have a house full of treats and gifts and blankets and flowers and hats and cards if it weren't for cancer.

A new Bible study group has been formed with some of my close friends and women of all ages. I love taking time each week to become closer to God and to be reminded of his love for me. I love the bond I now have with these amazing women. I wouldn't be so close to God right now or have this wonderful Bible study time to reflect if it weren't for cancer.

My spirits have been so high and I'm just so happy these days. I have an amazing boyfriend and the best friends and family that anybody could ask for. I love my job and all of my co-workers and feel so blessed to have landed in such a great spot surrounded by so many loved ones here in Dallas. It sounds so weird- but I don't know that I would be as happy as I am if it weren't for cancer. I'm not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself- I'm going to use this opportunity to garner strength from all of these amazing people around me, kick cancer's ass, and get on with my life with a whole new outlook. I've heard people who have fought cancer say it- and now I understand. Kelly's mom said it. She's a recent breast cancer survivor and one of the most positive and loving people I know, and she's such a role model for me. The wife of the Dallas Stars GM has become such a role model for me. She is fighting cancer and was given two months to live two years ago. She is one of the kindest people I know and has been such a blessing and inspiration for me. She said it best in this story that ran on NBC. http://www.nbcdfw.com/video/?_osource=SocialFlowTwt_DFWBrand#!/news/sports/Stars-GM-And-Wife-Battle-Against-Cancer/232299781 "I used to like people, now I love people."

It's not a fun hand that I've been dealt, but everything happens for a reason and I truly am so glad it's happened to me and not to any other friend or family member that I love.  I can handle this. It's already made me a stronger, kinder, happier person and taught me to not sweat the small stuff in life. It's already changed me for the better. And I wouldn't be this new me if it weren't for cancer.

 But....I do miss my hair ;) XOXO

Chemo # 3/ GO STARS!

Yesterday was Chemo number three.... and tonight was the Stars watch party in my honor!!! The amazing gals from the Stars foundation (I used to work for the foundation) put together this watch party for me- they auctioned off autographed game used sticks wrapped with pink tape and autographed pucks and will donate all the proceeds to my medical fund. I'm so thankful for my Stars family and the Stars fans and all they have done to help and support me!! The Stars won their third game in a row tonight and went three for three on this last road trip! This makes my work life and my home life beautiful. Fans were out in full force tonight wearing their pink for me, and I just got home from post-hockey game dancing with my fabulous friends and mega-dancer-mom!! What a fun night. Bear with me as I post about chemo after dancing all night, wearing a stuffed Stars monkey on my back, and maybe imbibing just a bit :)  I even invited my new friend Angeline who I met on Monday (I met her because I crashed into her car...) and she came and had fun with us! She's such an angel. Cancer can't keep me from having fun! (Watch party pics below.)

Anywho, here's the report from yesterday. First I went in for blood work. It came back all good... counts were where they needed to be, and I was cleared for chemo. Then I met with my doctor and nurse. First she told me the news that my latest test for HER2 had come back negative. So I am in fact "Triple Negative", and I won't need Herceptin.  I don't really know whether to be excited or not, but I do know that means that my treatments will stay on the original 8 treatment plan, and that I don't have to take Herceptin for a whole year after the initial treatments are done. The one thing I liked about the idea of Herceptin is that it was supposed to help a lot with keeping recurrence away. BUT my amazing doctor is on the cutting edge of all kinds of breast cancer drugs; she eats, sleeps, and breathes breast cancer and works really hard for her patients, and she has a good drug in mind for me called Carboplatin. (Doesn't that sound like some sort of fish bait?) Anyways, she is going to a breast cancer conference in San Antonio the first week of December and will find out much more information based on the results of many clinical studies that have recently been completed to test Carboplatin's effects on Triple Negative breast cancer. Carboplatin is known to increase the PCR, or Pathological Complete Response rate in Triple Negative breast cancer patients. AKA- greater chances that cancer is going to be gone for good! I'm definitely on board with Carboplatin. If I get that it will start on my 2nd Taxol treatment, or my 6th overall treatment. I feel like I'm in really good hands and trust my doctor 100% on this!

Chemo Time 

So after I got the "HER2 not positive" report---- we proceeded with my exam. Once again, the doctors were very, very pleased!!! I have a hard time finding the tumor now and so did they! It's definitely still there, but again it has shrunk significantly. Something like 7.2x6 cm last visit, and 3.2x1 cm this visit. (And that was the doctor even fudging up a little bit because the first measurement was almost comical..... my nurse was laughing at the results!)  Isn't that amazing?!? These good reports have made me feel so much better about my prognosis and as my doctor said yesterday, "I'm kicking cancer butt!" Cheers to that!!

We talked a little about surgery which looks like it will be in February- (NHL olympic break so I'll have a break from work and I'll have my boyfriend to myself... silver linings!) Surgery will be a whole 'nother story so I'm just focusing on taking all my pills, exercising, staying positive, and letting the chemo kick this uninvited cancer out of my body. So all is well! Until next time!! XOXO

Julie

Molly and me at the Stars watch party

Molly, Callie, and I-- they won a stick and a jersey!!! 

This is my new friend Angeline, we met when I crashed into her car on Monday. :) 

A wreck of a Monday

Hi guys! It's been a few days since my last post so wanted to give another update. It's been a busy week and in case anybody was wondering my hair is still stuck to my head and I'm still really blonde. :)

So with all this "stuff" going on lately, my brain has been very jampacked full of thoughts, all the time. Combine that with what they call "chemo brain" and I've been quite loopy. Despite the loopiness, I'm trying to carry on a regular life and work as I normally would. But yesterday, I got a huge wake up call. I was driving to FSN to work on my show as I do every Monday. Lately I have really enjoyed my drives as I have some time to myself, I play some good music, and I try to relax. The week after my diagnosis I was having one of these "relaxing drives" from the Stars practice facility in Frisco out to FSN in Irving.. just driving, listening to Jack Johnson's new album (he makes me happy) and trying to clear my head. All of a sudden, a giant, like really giant, rock flew up on to my windshield and cracked my windshield from the top to the bottom and even left a little glass on the dashboard. It was scary. But I drove to work, called a company to come out and fix it, paid $150 dollars to have it fixed and went on with my life. Well, yesterday, my nice relaxing commute to work was rudely interrupted once again.

I was almost to work- listening to the new Hunter Hayes song- "Everybody has somebody but me" and thinking about how much I liked it. Who knows what else I was thinking about. My brain just flutters around with all kinds of random thoughts lately. So I was in the parking lot of the office building right next to mine, weaving my way through their lot so I could go through the back entrance up into our parking lot. It was raining, but not pouring. I pulled up to a four way intersection within the parking lot where I had a yield sign. There are never usually any cars crossing there, so I slow down a little and usually keep going. This time, a car came cruising by in front of me on it's way to turn on to Royal Lane and when I saw it and went to slam on the brakes it was too late. I crashed right into the side of the car. It was bad. Luckily I was OK, and so was the other driver. Somehow, even though I had just crashed into this girl's new Jeep Grand Cherokee, she was really really nice to me. I was a mess. I just kept apologizing over and over and I think I even blurted out "I have breast cancer!"... geez.  Don't know why- I guess I just felt like I needed to explain the waterworks. We sat there in the rain and waited for tow trucks to come as neither of our cars could drive away. My uncle Bill came and met met me and helped with the aftermath and then took me to Chick Fil A. (Obvioulsy.) I finally got to work about three hours later and managed to get all my work done before mom came to pick me up around 7 PM.
I've since talked with my insurance company and found out that I will just be responsible for my deductible, and her car is covered for up to $25,000 worth of damage. Unless something crazy happens, her car shouldn't be that bad. I got a nice pretty black Jeep Liberty similar to the Jeep Patriot that I drive. It'll probably be a few weeks before I get my car back but it's not going to be totaled or anything. It was not a fun experience and not something that I need to be dealing with, but it definitely gave me a wake up call! Although my head is jampacked with thoughts and sometimes I feel like it may as well float off like a giant balloon- I need to remember to keep my head in the game and stay focused. Cuz apparently wrecks still happen, even if you have cancer. I'm just glad I'm OK because crutches and cancer would not have been a good look... and I'm not sure my little body can handle anything else right now!

In other news, I'm getting ready for Stars hockey here at work and hoping to get some good rest tonight as tomorrow is chemo day number three. I'll go in around 9:30- get my blood work done- (that's where they test to make sure I have enough white blood cells to go forward with the chemo treatment)- then I'll meet with my doctors at 10:00 before going to do my work out and then I'll go for chemo. When I meet with the doctors, I'll find out how things are progressing and I'm looking forward to that. Last treatment my doctors were high fiving they were so happy with how much the tumor had shrunk. (yay!) I'm hoping for more of the same tomorrow!!! I'm also going to get some big news as my doctor will have decided if I'm going to be getting the drug Herceptin or not. You only get Herceptin if you test positive for HER2. (Human Epidural Growth Factor Receptor 2). My initial tests all came back as "triple negative" which meant that the HER2 test came back as negative, along with the other two types of receptors that are tested for, estrogen and progesterone. When they re-tested for HER2 it came back as leaning toward positive. So I think I'm kind of confusing.  The doctors have been meeting and discussing what to do with me- and that's what I will find out tomorrow. From what I understand, Herceptin is a very efficient drug, that when paired with chemo, makes your chemo turn into "super chemo", which can't be a bad thing, right? The down side to Herceptin is that it will add on another 2 initial treatments (4 more weeks of chemo) and then once that is over I would have to get Herceptin by itself for a year. That doesn't sound fun, but it's not a chemotherapy, it is a "target therapy" and it doesn't make your hair fall out or cause the extensive side effects like chemo does. I think it also helps a lot with decreasing the chances of recurrence of the cancer....which is obviously huge. So we shall see! Big day tomorrow. Time now for me to go watch this Stars game and get to work- and then I will be driving home very safely. :) Will try and update tomorrow with my news!

XO
Julie