Tuesday, November 19, 2013

If it weren't for cancer......

Tomorrow will be chemo #4, the halfway point! Hoping to get some more good news.  I'm gonna get a little sappy here today as I reflect back on the last two months. :)

Sometimes I think, "If it weren't for cancer, my life would be pretty perfect right now." But then I stop and think... "or maybe... this is just the way it should be." A lot of the reasons that I'm so happy these days are a result of things that have happened to me since being diagnosed.

This past weekend, nine of my best friends from college, my Chi Omega sisters, came to see me. It's very rare for everybody to have a free weekend where we can all get together, and for them to all fly to Dallas and come to me is just so super awesome! I got to host all my best friends at my house, take them to my favorite places in Dallas and just relax and have some fabulous girl time that I had really been craving. This was our life every day of college at Mizzou, and those were some of the best times of my life. This weekend felt just like we were back in college, we were all just snuggling, gossiping, laughing and even crying. It made me so happy and thankful for what I have. If I didn't have cancer, last weekend wouldn't have happened. 

If I didn't have cancer, I wouldn't have seen just how amazing people really can be. I was starting to doubt the goodness of people after this past year of tragedies across our nation. The shooting in Newtown really hit my boyfriend Kelly and I hard. I just don't understand how somebody could be such a monster. We cried for a few days after that. It's crazy to me that even after that horrible tragedy, shootings of this kind kept occurring in our country. I was really starting to doubt the good in humanity. Now- that's all changed and I'm just in awe of how amazing people really are. I've had so many people reach out to me that I can't even keep track, and feel horrible that I can't personally thank everybody. The website my best friend Jessie made (www.helpjuliebeatcancer.com) has had such an unbelievable response. Friends, family and even strangers have been reaching out, donating money to my medical fund, and leaving me kind words that really strengthen and inspire me. I check it often and it immediately lifts my spirits. I don't think I would feel so strong and inspired and loved if it weren't for cancer.

About 95% of the people I work with are dudes who love sports. Dudes who love sports and love fantasy football and making off color jokes. These dudes are not known for being sentimental.  Now, I come in to work and these dudes just give me hugs. They ask how I'm doing. They call and check on me, and have even donated to my website.  The outpouring of concern and care from my co-workers has been so incredible. I wouldn't get these hugs or know how amazing all my co-workers truly are if it weren't for cancer.

The Dallas Stars organization, wow, has just gone above and beyond to let me know that they care. From the players and their wives, to the front office, to the fans... they've made me feel so special. Dropping the puck at the Stars v Calgary game on Hockey Fights Cancer night was one of the most amazing nights of my life.  Seeing the arena stand up and cheer me on, like they would for a Jamie Benn game winning goal, was just such a surreal moment. I would not have experienced that moment if it weren't for cancer. 

My friends and family have really gone out of their way to show me support and let me know that they care. Almost every day I have a nice card in the mail or a friend calling to see if I need dinner or company, or just wanting to know how they can help. I got a dozen roses from a girl I haven't talked to in about a decade. I've received kind words and donations from so many friends and friends of friends. I received donations and hand written cards from co-workers of my stepdad whom I've never met. I've received inspirational notes and facebook messages from people I've met throughout my life, and even some other cancer survivors. I've received an outpouring of love from Kelly's family and his parent's friends in Canada, and it's all just so amazing. People are so kind. Most of my relationships I have with people in my life have become stronger.  I have treats and gifts and blankets and flowers and hats and cards all throughout my house that serve as constant reminders of just how much I am loved and how many people are pulling for me. It's hard to get sad in a house full of treats and gifts and blankets and flowers and hats and cards. I wouldn't have a house full of treats and gifts and blankets and flowers and hats and cards if it weren't for cancer.

A new Bible study group has been formed with some of my close friends and women of all ages. I love taking time each week to become closer to God and to be reminded of his love for me. I love the bond I now have with these amazing women. I wouldn't be so close to God right now or have this wonderful Bible study time to reflect if it weren't for cancer.

My spirits have been so high and I'm just so happy these days. I have an amazing boyfriend and the best friends and family that anybody could ask for. I love my job and all of my co-workers and feel so blessed to have landed in such a great spot surrounded by so many loved ones here in Dallas. It sounds so weird- but I don't know that I would be as happy as I am if it weren't for cancer. I'm not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself- I'm going to use this opportunity to garner strength from all of these amazing people around me, kick cancer's ass, and get on with my life with a whole new outlook. I've heard people who have fought cancer say it- and now I understand. Kelly's mom said it. She's a recent breast cancer survivor and one of the most positive and loving people I know, and she's such a role model for me. The wife of the Dallas Stars GM has become such a role model for me. She is fighting cancer and was given two months to live two years ago. She is one of the kindest people I know and has been such a blessing and inspiration for me. She said it best in this story that ran on NBC. http://www.nbcdfw.com/video/?_osource=SocialFlowTwt_DFWBrand#!/news/sports/Stars-GM-And-Wife-Battle-Against-Cancer/232299781 "I used to like people, now I love people."

It's not a fun hand that I've been dealt, but everything happens for a reason and I truly am so glad it's happened to me and not to any other friend or family member that I love.  I can handle this. It's already made me a stronger, kinder, happier person and taught me to not sweat the small stuff in life. It's already changed me for the better. And I wouldn't be this new me if it weren't for cancer.

 But....I do miss my hair ;) XOXO

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Chemo # 3/ GO STARS!

Yesterday was Chemo number three.... and tonight was the Stars watch party in my honor!!! The amazing gals from the Stars foundation (I used to work for the foundation) put together this watch party for me- they auctioned off autographed game used sticks wrapped with pink tape and autographed pucks and will donate all the proceeds to my medical fund. I'm so thankful for my Stars family and the Stars fans and all they have done to help and support me!! The Stars won their third game in a row tonight and went three for three on this last road trip! This makes my work life and my home life beautiful. Fans were out in full force tonight wearing their pink for me, and I just got home from post-hockey game dancing with my fabulous friends and mega-dancer-mom!! What a fun night. Bear with me as I post about chemo after dancing all night, wearing a stuffed Stars monkey on my back, and maybe imbibing just a bit :)  I even invited my new friend Angeline who I met on Monday (I met her because I crashed into her car...) and she came and had fun with us! She's such an angel. Cancer can't keep me from having fun! (Watch party pics below.)

Anywho, here's the report from yesterday. First I went in for blood work. It came back all good... counts were where they needed to be, and I was cleared for chemo. Then I met with my doctor and nurse. First she told me the news that my latest test for HER2 had come back negative. So I am in fact "Triple Negative", and I won't need Herceptin.  I don't really know whether to be excited or not, but I do know that means that my treatments will stay on the original 8 treatment plan, and that I don't have to take Herceptin for a whole year after the initial treatments are done. The one thing I liked about the idea of Herceptin is that it was supposed to help a lot with keeping recurrence away. BUT my amazing doctor is on the cutting edge of all kinds of breast cancer drugs; she eats, sleeps, and breathes breast cancer and works really hard for her patients, and she has a good drug in mind for me called Carboplatin. (Doesn't that sound like some sort of fish bait?) Anyways, she is going to a breast cancer conference in San Antonio the first week of December and will find out much more information based on the results of many clinical studies that have recently been completed to test Carboplatin's effects on Triple Negative breast cancer. Carboplatin is known to increase the PCR, or Pathological Complete Response rate in Triple Negative breast cancer patients. AKA- greater chances that cancer is going to be gone for good! I'm definitely on board with Carboplatin. If I get that it will start on my 2nd Taxol treatment, or my 6th overall treatment. I feel like I'm in really good hands and trust my doctor 100% on this!

Chemo Time 


So after I got the "HER2 not positive" report---- we proceeded with my exam. Once again, the doctors were very, very pleased!!! I have a hard time finding the tumor now and so did they! It's definitely still there, but again it has shrunk significantly. Something like 7.2x6 cm last visit, and 3.2x1 cm this visit. (And that was the doctor even fudging up a little bit because the first measurement was almost comical..... my nurse was laughing at the results!)  Isn't that amazing?!? These good reports have made me feel so much better about my prognosis and as my doctor said yesterday, "I'm kicking cancer butt!" Cheers to that!!

We talked a little about surgery which looks like it will be in February- (NHL olympic break so I'll have a break from work and I'll have my boyfriend to myself... silver linings!) Surgery will be a whole 'nother story so I'm just focusing on taking all my pills, exercising, staying positive, and letting the chemo kick this uninvited cancer out of my body. So all is well! Until next time!! XOXO

Julie

Molly and me at the Stars watch party




Molly, Callie, and I-- they won a stick and a jersey!!! 

This is my new friend Angeline, we met when I crashed into her car on Monday. :) 


Tuesday, November 5, 2013

A wreck of a Monday

Hi guys! It's been a few days since my last post so wanted to give another update. It's been a busy week and in case anybody was wondering my hair is still stuck to my head and I'm still really blonde. :)

So with all this "stuff" going on lately, my brain has been very jampacked full of thoughts, all the time. Combine that with what they call "chemo brain" and I've been quite loopy. Despite the loopiness, I'm trying to carry on a regular life and work as I normally would. But yesterday, I got a huge wake up call. I was driving to FSN to work on my show as I do every Monday. Lately I have really enjoyed my drives as I have some time to myself, I play some good music, and I try to relax. The week after my diagnosis I was having one of these "relaxing drives" from the Stars practice facility in Frisco out to FSN in Irving.. just driving, listening to Jack Johnson's new album (he makes me happy) and trying to clear my head. All of a sudden, a giant, like really giant, rock flew up on to my windshield and cracked my windshield from the top to the bottom and even left a little glass on the dashboard. It was scary. But I drove to work, called a company to come out and fix it, paid $150 dollars to have it fixed and went on with my life. Well, yesterday, my nice relaxing commute to work was rudely interrupted once again.

I was almost to work- listening to the new Hunter Hayes song- "Everybody has somebody but me" and thinking about how much I liked it. Who knows what else I was thinking about. My brain just flutters around with all kinds of random thoughts lately. So I was in the parking lot of the office building right next to mine, weaving my way through their lot so I could go through the back entrance up into our parking lot. It was raining, but not pouring. I pulled up to a four way intersection within the parking lot where I had a yield sign. There are never usually any cars crossing there, so I slow down a little and usually keep going. This time, a car came cruising by in front of me on it's way to turn on to Royal Lane and when I saw it and went to slam on the brakes it was too late. I crashed right into the side of the car. It was bad. Luckily I was OK, and so was the other driver. Somehow, even though I had just crashed into this girl's new Jeep Grand Cherokee, she was really really nice to me. I was a mess. I just kept apologizing over and over and I think I even blurted out "I have breast cancer!"... geez.  Don't know why- I guess I just felt like I needed to explain the waterworks. We sat there in the rain and waited for tow trucks to come as neither of our cars could drive away. My uncle Bill came and met met me and helped with the aftermath and then took me to Chick Fil A. (Obvioulsy.) I finally got to work about three hours later and managed to get all my work done before mom came to pick me up around 7 PM.
I've since talked with my insurance company and found out that I will just be responsible for my deductible, and her car is covered for up to $25,000 worth of damage. Unless something crazy happens, her car shouldn't be that bad. I got a nice pretty black Jeep Liberty similar to the Jeep Patriot that I drive. It'll probably be a few weeks before I get my car back but it's not going to be totaled or anything. It was not a fun experience and not something that I need to be dealing with, but it definitely gave me a wake up call! Although my head is jampacked with thoughts and sometimes I feel like it may as well float off like a giant balloon- I need to remember to keep my head in the game and stay focused. Cuz apparently wrecks still happen, even if you have cancer. I'm just glad I'm OK because crutches and cancer would not have been a good look... and I'm not sure my little body can handle anything else right now!

In other news, I'm getting ready for Stars hockey here at work and hoping to get some good rest tonight as tomorrow is chemo day number three. I'll go in around 9:30- get my blood work done- (that's where they test to make sure I have enough white blood cells to go forward with the chemo treatment)- then I'll meet with my doctors at 10:00 before going to do my work out and then I'll go for chemo. When I meet with the doctors, I'll find out how things are progressing and I'm looking forward to that. Last treatment my doctors were high fiving they were so happy with how much the tumor had shrunk. (yay!) I'm hoping for more of the same tomorrow!!! I'm also going to get some big news as my doctor will have decided if I'm going to be getting the drug Herceptin or not. You only get Herceptin if you test positive for HER2. (Human Epidural Growth Factor Receptor 2). My initial tests all came back as "triple negative" which meant that the HER2 test came back as negative, along with the other two types of receptors that are tested for, estrogen and progesterone. When they re-tested for HER2 it came back as leaning toward positive. So I think I'm kind of confusing.  The doctors have been meeting and discussing what to do with me- and that's what I will find out tomorrow. From what I understand, Herceptin is a very efficient drug, that when paired with chemo, makes your chemo turn into "super chemo", which can't be a bad thing, right? The down side to Herceptin is that it will add on another 2 initial treatments (4 more weeks of chemo) and then once that is over I would have to get Herceptin by itself for a year. That doesn't sound fun, but it's not a chemotherapy, it is a "target therapy" and it doesn't make your hair fall out or cause the extensive side effects like chemo does. I think it also helps a lot with decreasing the chances of recurrence of the cancer....which is obviously huge. So we shall see! Big day tomorrow. Time now for me to go watch this Stars game and get to work- and then I will be driving home very safely. :) Will try and update tomorrow with my news!

XO
Julie